I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
