if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
