I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
