well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
