Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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