Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize