don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
