DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
