her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
