i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
