Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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