You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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