Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
