I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
