Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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