I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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