I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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