The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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