No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
