Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
