I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there is glitter all over my balls
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
