why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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