I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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