Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
