On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
