Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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