Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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