just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
