The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
