my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
