Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
MIDGETS
????
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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