That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
not ubering you a puppy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
ok first of all what the fuck
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
