Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
