How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
