matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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