I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
