I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
