Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
