I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's the barista slut.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
