i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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