I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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