if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
