Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
