Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
