I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
