I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
