none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
