Four minutes until I can fart!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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