Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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