Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
