respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
