I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
