Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
