do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
