Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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