8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
