It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
