I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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