that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
