My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please come you make the beer taste better
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
