it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
